The Lies We Believe About Adjusting With A Newborn
As a doula agency owner I have the privilege of speaking with 30 or more new and expecting parents each week. I hear their stories, their struggles, their excitement, their worries and a slew of myths and lies that they have been told and believe. The lie that gets me every time is:
EVERYONE DOES THIS ALONE!
What? Who does this alone? Who goes into the parenthood journey alone with absolutely no support? I do not know anyone who does this alone and if they are attempting it I can guarantee that they are not enjoying it.
Grandparents, siblings, extended family, neighbors and friends were the community that once supported new parents. Where are all of these people now? Working, busy with their own families, 1000 miles away, traveling for work- UNAVAILABLE. The world is a different place then it was 30 or 40 years ago when our parents were having us. Families are not always nearby and parents may still be in the workforce when when their grandchildren are born. People are busier.
Your world has stopped, your bubble is small and all consuming, but the world continues to spin quickly around you. This feeling is isolating and when combined with sleep deprivation it can be overwhelming. To make matters worse, partners, the only other adult that lives in your bubble is often heading back to work within the first two weeks.
TWO WEEKS!
At this point we are just realizing how tired we are and how hard this really is. We are both hanging on by a thread and now we are left home alone all day while our partner works. How isolating and hard is this?
We need more than visitors. Don’t get me wrong we need visitors, but we also need helpers and support people. Visitors make us feel connected to the world again, but helpers allow us to become connected to ourselves again. We need both! 
Its never too late or too soon to ask for help or hire help.
I receive the most calls from first time parents between weeks one and two. This is usually when families are so exhausted and overwhelmed that they can no longer function without support. The most heartbreaking thing I hear from these families is, “This has been the worst two weeks of my life”! I am grateful they found us, but I so wished they would have found us sooner and they wished they would have as well. I then hear the most common lie that has been fed to new parents, “everyone does it alone so we thought we had to also”. What? Who does it alone? People either have family, amazing friends or they are hiring help.
Who doesn’t benefit from support when adjusting with a new baby? Whether expecting your first or fifth you will benefit from support. Everyone needs sleep, rest, help around the house, an empathetic ear and being cared for. Support will look different for each family! Some families, especially first time families, will love the expertise of a postpartum doula. They will immediately feel at ease knowing a professional is their to teach them about their baby, breasting, baby cues and all of the normal newborn behaviors. Families who are growing with their 2nd, 3rd, etc. appreciate the help. In these situations the postpartum doula can take care of EVERYTHING so the parents have time to enjoy their newborn.
The newborn and new baby phase of your life is so incredibly short and intense and although hard I would LOVE it to be something that we enjoy as much as possible. Please remember that we have NEVER done this alone- find your helpers whether that is family, friends or postpartum doulas!
Written by : Anna Rodney, Chicago Family Doulas owner and mom to 3 amazing girls.
